


Words

by StormyBear30



Category: Actor RPF, American Actor RPF, Irish Actor RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-10
Updated: 2012-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-29 07:35:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30





	Words

"What the hell is this shit Colin?" The irritated voice of my editor screamed out to me from across the desk where he was reading my latest work of crap. I knew that it was crap even before I turned it into him, but as sad as this may sound it was the best piece of crap that I had written in a long time. The fact of the matter was that I was in a slump. One as huge as the Grand Cannon and I felt that I was never going to be able to crawl out of again. I knew that I was a good journalist. Hell, I know that I was a great journalist and I even had the awards and honors to back up my vainness, but then everything in my life went insane in an instant and my life was never the same again. "Do you really think that anyone gives a shit about the possibility that there are other life forms living in the sewers of Hollywood?" His yelling continued as he threw the article back at me. "This is Hollywood…there are other life forms living above the sewers and yet no one want to read about them either"

"I'm just in a slump" I defended boredly as I stretched out within the chair that I was shitting on, placing my feet atop the corner of his desk.

"For eight fucking months" He fired back, jerking his frame from out of his own chair as he reached over and pushed my feet from they were perched. "Look…this is the deal Colin. The only reason that I hired you in the first place was because for a time you were one hell of an ace reporter. You used to write stories that would grab you by the throat and drag you through each line that you wrote, whether you wanted to or not. Your stories used to be gripping and full of the drama that surrounded you and now we get this shit" He spat, pointing at the article I had still not bothered to pick up from his desk. "I knew that when I hired you that our profits were going to fly through the roof and they did for a time. However, now your writing is not even half of what it used to be. This is your final warning Colin. The board members want you out. They keep hounding me to bring in the next new ace reporter, one that will bring in the readers and hopefully keep the ones that we already have. I know…" He cut me off before I had a chance to remind him that many of those current readers were just that because of me. "I know that you are responsible for most of those, but that's not cutting it with them anymore. The sad part is that I know your potential. I know that you are one, if not the best journalist in the United States, but lately you haven't been living up to your full potential. The fact is that I should have fired your sorry ass a long time ago, but the fact that you are my brother in law and your sister wouldn't kill me too much if I did fire you. I've decided to give you another chance. So here it is…laid out in plain English. You have six months. Six months to prove to those money grubbers that you still have what it takes to keep our readers and bring in more. I want you to take that time to write something that is bone chillingly spectacular…something that sucks us into your story and wrings us though the highs and lows of it. I don't care what it is or how you get the inspiration to write it…but if this doesn't happen you will be terminated immediately. I don't want to see you go Colin because believe it or not I really do like you…but business is business. Now get the hell out of my office and find the one story that will once again make you stand out from the rest of the low quality writers that are just waiting for an opportunity to take your place"

I guess that I should have been more bothered by Tomo's words, but I wasn't. Sure everything that he was saying was true, but I had no earthly idea how to fix it or if I even wanted to. My life was a mess and all I kept thinking about was taking a break from it all, getting away from everything that I hated about it in hopes that I could find myself once again. "I need some time off…some time to clear my head" I spoke, waiting for the backlash that I was sure to come.

"You've got six months Colin. What you do with it is up to you" He replied sadly, as he gave me a look that expressed just how little faith he had in me. "Now get the fuck out of my office before I have you thrown out"

"Thanks Tomo…" I said to my recent brother in law. "Don't worry…I'll find my story"

"You better. Don't let me down man because as I said before, family or not I will fire you if I have to"

"Yeah…I know" Was my reply as I picked up the shitty article still sitting on up desk and balled it into a rolled up piece of nothing before tossing it in the wastepaper basket as I made my way out of his office.

"Colin…your girlfriend called five times while you were in with Tomo" The high pitched voice of my assistant screeched behind me as I grabbed my leather jacket and raced down the corridor in hopes of getting as far away from her and that place as quickly as possible. "She said that she needed another check for five hundred dollars for…"

Those words alone caused me to stop dead in my tracks as I turned to face the fully flushed girl panting like crazy behind me. "Look Fran…do me a favor" I spoke, trying like hell to control the urge to punch something, anything at her words. "The next time that Jordan calls tell her that I am in a meeting and will be for the next six months"

"But…but…" she stammered, looking as if she were about to cry but I didn't care anymore. My life was completely fucked up and I was done with everything and anything that I felt I had no control over.

"No buts. I am in a meeting for the next six months and if she has any questions she can call my fucking lawyer" I bit out, pulling on my jacket as I once again headed in the direction of the main lobby. "Oh and Fran…I won't be in the office for about that long as well. So make sure that you keep everything running smoothly in my absence. I will be checking in from time to time…but you are never to call me. I will call you if I need anything" I screamed over my shoulder as I literally raced through the front door, jumping on my motorcycle as I sped into the flowing afternoon traffic. My mind was such a jumbled mess as I coasted down the busy streets of Hollywood with no real destination in sight. Yet hours later with no other place to go I found myself in front of the hotel my brother used as his residence and headed inside. I knew that I should have just gone home, knew that I should have stood up to the money draining bitch known as my fiancée', but with everything that was going on I was just not in the mood for another confrontation about money and our impending wedding.

"Boy, things must be really bad in the land of Colin for you to be gracing my doorstep with your presence" The annoying voice of my twin brother laughed at me as he stood in the doorway of his suite dressed in only a pair of silk boxers, a just been fucking look radiating across his near identical features. I didn't say a word as I turned in irritation from the sight before me, not really in the mood to deal with his childish antics either as I headed for the elevator. "Colin wait…" He called out after me, grabbing the arm of my jacket as he dragged me back towards his place of dwelling. I didn't put up much of a fight because I really had no place to go and I was more then a little desperate for a drink. "Have a seat…Jason was just about to leave anyway" He drawled as he pushed me onto the leather softness of his couch before disappearing into the kitchen, returning with what I desired most.

"Thanks…" I growled, snagging the cold bottle from his hands before drowning half of it in two swigs. I watched as what I would call a strapping young man walked out of Eamon's bedroom, staring between Eamon and myself while walking past me. "Twins…" I filled in the blank as his head kept bobbing back and forth like one of those bobble head dolls.

"Yes Jason my dear. This is my twin brother Colin" Eamon chirped up as he wrapped his arms around the waist of his latest conquest, kissing him quickly on his lips. "Now get out of here before your daddy finds out about all the naughty things that I did to you last night" He teased, cupping the much younger mans ass with his hands. "But…don't forget to bring your beautiful buns back over here later for there is so much more where that came from" Giving the kid a playful pat on the ass and a not so playful kiss, he pushed him towards the door and then we were alone.

I was fully amazed and still am some days that despite the fact that we were near identical twins, we were as different as night and day. Eamon was a playboy to his very core and very openly gay. It was a running joke that any gay man in a ten mile radius, as long as he was young and good looking was an intended target for his unyielding sex drive. He wore his title of handsome playboy like a prince, right down to the perfectly manicured hair and nails, to the perfectly tailored suits that graced his body. He was a liar and a charmer who would do whatever and say whatever to get what he wanted and once he did, in most cases that was the last you saw of him. He had decided to follow in the footsteps of my father, inheriting the family practice after my father passed away. Yes, the fact of the matter was that Eamon was the spitting image of my father. A man whom not once as I was growing up did we ever see anything eye to eye. Eamon and I were the near spitting image of each other, but that was where our similarities ended.

I had always been the loner of our family. I wanted to see the world and all that it had to offer, without the family money helping me along the way. Two days after I turned eighteen I opted to see the world on my own terms as I took the little money that I had earned from odd jobs and bought a one way plane ticket to England. It was there living on the seedier side of life that I developed my urge to write and thus began my journalistic career. While traveling overseas I began to cultivate the real me, not the plastic generic man that my father and his money pressured me to be. I grew my hair long, opted for a bearded look and developed a fascination with clothing of the leather kind. I was a completely different person then the one that I had been groomed to be and I couldn't have been happier. However, years later I moved back to the California, where my family had lived since I had been a wee child and once back most days I thought that it was the biggest mistake that I had ever made.

"Come on, lets get out of here" I heard my brother call out as he headed for the door moments later after dressing himself, jerking me out of the past.

"Where are we off to?" I questioned, stumbling after him.

"It's a surprise" He laughed wickedly and I knew right then and there I was in trouble.

It was worse then I even imagined as he literally dragged me kicking and screaming into a gay bar. I knew that it was one of his haunts as men of all shapes and sizes called out greetings to him as we sat down at a table. "Hey Eamon…" A lanky man with clothes so bright it nearly blinded me spoke to my brother, while keeping his eyes on me. "Who's the hunk you got sitting here with you" He winked at me, nearly sending me bolting again.

"Back off Christian…this is my brother Colin and he is as straight as they come" Eamon grinned at me, a twinkle in his eyes that made me even more nervous then I already was.

"Pity…" The man leered at me, blowing me a kiss before turning back to Eamon and taking our order.

"So…tell me Colin to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" He asked, smacking the one known as Christian on the ass as he placed our drinks on the table before walking off. "Do you need money again?" I could hear the condescension in his voice and it only served to piss me off.

"Boy…you have the fucking life don't you?" I cried out over the loud music blaring around us. "You hardly work, you fuck all night with no regrets and look down on everyone like you are mightier then they are. It must be nice to not have to worry about dealing with the real life. I wish I had your fucking life bro" I went on, downing the beer that had been placed in front of me as I stood up to leave. "You gays have it so easy and…"

"You have no idea how hard it is being gay" I heard him scream at me, the room going silent around me. I didn't give him a chance to say another word as I strode out the door, intending to never grace it or my brother with my presence again. Eamon had other ideas as he chased after me, forcing me to turn and face him a look of pure anger upon his face that I had never seen before. "You think that my life if so fucking great…then you try and live it for awhile. Or better yet…try living the life of any gay man around here and see how easy we have it. I knew that he was egging me on. Knew that he was throwing down a challenge and the competitor in me took on that challenge before I even had a chance to think about what I was doing or saying.

"Deal…" I cried out, shoving my hand forward in order to seal the deal.

"Wh…what?" Eamon cried out, confused yet not for long. "You think that you can live the life of a gay man?" He asked, the look of anger gone and replaced with that evil grin from before that only set my competitive juices flowing even more.

"Just set the terms…big man" I confronted him, getting in his face in order to prove to him that I was not going to back down.

"You got it" He agreed, his grin growing even more as he took my hand into his and we shook on it. "Three months" He began. "And in those three months you have to interact with other gay men…just like a real gay man. We will make up a story for you. Yeah…" He smiled evilly as he brought his finger to his lips, deep in thought. "You've just broken up with your girl friend whom you were about to marry…but realized that you couldn't do it because you love hot hard cock" His words blasted across my face and for a moment I considered punching him out and just leaving, but I didn't. The truth was that Eamon didn't know how close to the truth he was as he continued to spin his tale, because things with Jordan and I were nearing the end and I really didn't know why.

She was beautiful and rich. Two of the main reasons I was attracted to her at the beginning of our fucked up relationship, but our sex life was never very good. In fact the truth was that sex for me wasn't very exciting in general with her or any other women I had been with. However…with Jordan there always seemed to be other things more important to do, other people more important to spend her time with. I knew deep down that something was wrong about that and yet I just didn't give a shit enough to try and change things between us. "If I win…you give up your stupid news job and come and work for the company. If you win…I'll pay off this fucking nightmare of a wedding that bitch of yours has been putting you into the poor house for"

"Wait…that doesn't seen fair" I spoke up, staring him down as I tried to figure out his game. "Seems that you're getting the shit end of the stick either way"

"Oh no little brother…because if I win I get to watch you work in a place you hate with an all fired passion…with an added bonus of me as your boss. Sooo…do we have a deal?" He grinned that same evil grin at me…giving my hand another squeeze as he waited to see what I would do.

"Deal…" I spat in his face, pumping his hand so hard that I knew it was going to smart like hell the next day.

My transformation into gaydom was anything but smooth and I really didn't have any time to think about how I was going to do it. Eamon however made sure to take care of that the very next night. I got the phone call early that evening and I knew by the way that he was slurring his words that he was drunk, but what I didn't know was that I was about to meet someone that very same night that was going to change my life forever. I should have known that Eamon was up to something but at that time all I could think about was getting Eamon's drunken ass home before heading back to my own small apartment and drinking a few brews myself. Instead I found Eamon quite sober once I entered the bar, smiling as he watched me enter the building. "Colin…" He cried out, rushing over to me as he placed a kiss upon my cheek, taking my hand as he led me towards the bar.

"What the fuck are you up too Eamon?" I whispered in his ear after he placed a beer in my hand.

"Did you think that I was just going to let you forget about our bet? Your foray into being a gay man starts tonight my dear brother" I should have known that he was up to more then getting started on our bet as a handsome man with light brown hair walked up to us. "Right this very minute" He whispered under his breath, but I heard him just the same. "Jared…baby…how are you doing tonight?" He exclaimed in an overly exuberant manner. I watched as he kissed the man upon his cheek, hugging him quickly before taking his hand and leading him over to where I was leaning against the bar. "Colin…this is Jared. Jared…Colin" He introduced us as I found myself getting sucked into the bluest eyes I had ever seen before in my life.

"Nice to meet you Colin" He shot out his hand, sharing one hell of a dazzling smile with me as he did. It was a smile that was so beautiful that it literally took my breath away as I tried to remind myself how to breathe.

"It's very nice to meet you" I blurted out like a daft loon…pumping his hand in a manly gesture as I smiled down on him as well.

"Let's find a table" Eamon leered behind us, placing his hand upon both of our backs as he led us to an open table. For the next hour we just talked and laughed and got to know each other. It seemed that Jared and I did most of the talking as Eamon just sat back and watched. I found that we hit it off well because I soon learned that he was a much as a sports nut as I was. However, now that I think about it there was so much more then that from the very start. It was nice to just sit down and get to know him over a beer and talk sports, because up until that moment I thought that no gay man would ever have any interests in sports. Eamon, however decided to up the ante as he began to scour the floor for his next prey, instead turning his sights upon Jared. "How about a dance?" I heard him ask Jared and for some reason those words coming from his mouth really bugged me.

"Sure…" He replied with a smile, reaching his hand out to Eamon, only to have his smile grow even wider as Eamon pushed that same hand towards mine.

"Colin's been dying to ask you to dance since he got here but he was just too afraid to ask" He lied, winking at me quickly before turning his attention back to Jared. "He just came out recently and not really sure how the whole gay networking thing works yet" He fake laughed, grabbing my hand as he placed it in Jared's before leaving the table and us alone. For a few moments I could only stand there and stare at the two manly hands intertwined together, not sure of what to do or say, but then Jared took the lead and it brought a shy smile to my face.

"So…how about that dance then" Jared grinned at me, leading my still speechless frame out onto a tiny and over crowded dance floor. I couldn't have been a bigger oaf as once again I continued to stand there unsure of what I should or shouldn't do. "Or we could just stand here and watch everyone else dance" Jared chuckled, causing me to blush at how stupid I was being.

"Um…sorry…I've never done this before" I said, blushing even harder at the way he was looking at me completely amused.

"You've never danced before?" He teased.

"Yeah sure…with a women…never with a man" I stammered, once again feeling like a complete idiot.

"It's really not that hard" He went on, taking the hand that he still held in his hand and holding it up. Grabbing onto my other hand he placed it upon his waist as he did the same with his on my waist as well. "It's exactly the same as dancing with a women…except with men you have to figure out whose going to lead" He laughed again and I couldn't explain why, but it seemed to lift some of the tension that seemed to be surrounding me. "For tonight…I'll lead" He smiled up at me, taking a step as we began dancing together. It felt kind of strange to be dancing with another man, but in some weird and wonderful way it wasn't as strange as I thought that it should be. I tried to keep as much space between us a possible, but as crowded as the dance floor was it was nearly impossible and before I knew it our bodies were pressed together and Jared's head was resting on my shoulder. "So is what Eamon said true? Have you just recently come out?" I heard him ask as he stepped back a little and looked up at me.

"Somewhat…" I responded vaguely because my mind seemed a bit scrambled and I couldn't for the life of me what my cover story was.

"It's scary coming out. I remember it well" He replied, getting a far off look on his face.

"Has it been long since you did?" I asked intrigued.

"It's been about six years, but I knew that I was gay for a lot longer then that. I lived the lie. Hide in the closet out of fear of hurting the ones that I loved and all I ended up doing was hurting myself in the end. One day I just decided that I didn't want to be that person hiding in the closet anymore and so I told everyone that I knew one by one. I lost some friends and even some family…but the ones that mattered are the ones that stayed with me" He said, smiling at me once again with a mouth full of pearly whites staring back at me. "You'll get there eventually"

 

"How can you be so sure?" I questioned, getting sucked once again into blue eyes.

"Well…you've got your brother and you've got me to be there for you when you need support and that's more then most gay men coming out have" He beamed up at me as he wrapped his arms around my neck, once again placing his head upon my chest. I don't know how long we danced like that, but the next thing I knew the lights brightened some and an announcement for last call was made.

"Shit…I've got to go" I blurted out, stepping away from Jared so fast that he actually lost his balance and almost fell to the floor. "I'll see you around Jared" I practically sprinted out of the place, not stopping to even think about everything that had happened that night until I was home alone. I was still confused and more then a little upset about that fact that I had just spent the better part of a couple of hours with a man that I had just met in my arms, but what freaked me out more then anything was that I truly didn't mind it. In fact I found that I really liked it.

The next day I decided to revamp my apartment, anything to keep my mind off of the previous evening, but as usual Eamon had other ideas as he popped up at my place and just let himself in. "Well it seems that you made quite the impression on your new friend Jared last night" He drawled, lazing across my couch as I sat across from him with a scowl upon my face. "He couldn't stop raving about you after you left…even asked me for your number…which I gave him by the way" I was tired of seeing the same shit eating grin upon his face that I had witness too many times to count before hand and as I rose to wipe it off of his face with a punch or two, I stopped short as the phone rang. "Hmm…wonder who that could be" He grinned at me again, jumping up to answer it, but thankfully I beat him to it.

"Hello…" I answered, my heart hammering so hard within my chest that I knew Eamon could hear it. "Oh…hey Jared" I rushed out, ignoring the way that Eamon was dancing around my living room blowing kisses my way as he did. "Tonight…um…I don't know…can you hold on for a minute?" I asked, covering the mouth piece with my hand as I frantically searched around the room for what I didn't know. "Shit…" I cursed softly, my eyes landing on Eamon as he stood before me with an irritated look upon his face.

"Say yes…" He mouthed, but I just ignored him. "Say yes mother fucker or I will say it for you" He mouthed again, forcing me to chase after him as he lunged for the phone hanging on the wall in the kitchen. "Jared…Eamon here" He purred into the phone, reaching it before I had a chance to reach him. "Colin is signing for a delivery right now, but he wanted me to let you know that he would love to go out with you tonight. Dinner at the The Penalty Box…sounds great" He giggled, sticking his tongue out me. "Seven…you got it. I'll make sure that he's ready. What's that Colin…" He called out towards me as I stood silently before him. "I'll tell him…ok. Colin wants me to tell you that he had a great time last night. Ok…I'll tell him. Bye Jared…"

"You son of a bitch…" I cried out once he hung up his phone, as I made sure to click off the one that I still held in my hand as well. "What the fuck did you do that for?" My cries went on as I grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him onto the couch.

"What…" He feigned innocence, batting his eye lashes at me. "Jared wanted me to tell you that he had a nice time as well and that he will pick you up at seven for dinner at The Penalty Box"

"Asshole…" I shouted, trying like mad to control the urge to punch the shit out of him or kiss him because I wasn't quite sure what I felt about my upcoming date with Jared.

"What…you love that stupid restaurant" He went on playing games as I grabbed him by the shoulder once again and literally threw him out into the hallway. "Don't forget our bet Colin" He cackled over his shoulder before disappearing into the nearby elevator, leaving me alone to once again deal with my issues with Jared and what I was about to do.

Jared showed up exactly at seven, dressed in a polo shirt and a pair of jeans that were practically painted on him. That of course sent me into a tailspin in that I had actually noticed that Jared had a mighty nice backside thanks to them. I was relived that I had dressed casual myself or as casual as I could get in a pair of black leather pants and a tight black tee shirt. "Wow…you look amazing" He whistled as he stood in my doorway checking me out.

"Um…thanks. You don't look so bad yourself" I blushed like a schoolgirl, wishing the floor would just open up and swallow me whole. "So yeah…shall we go" I rushed out, walking past him into the hallway before locking the door behind us.

"Nervous?" He asked, placing his hand upon my shoulder as I almost jumped out of my skin.

"Yeah…a little" I replied truthfully, once again blushing like some school girl. Which only served to piss me off even more.

"Look Colin…I know that this is your first date and all…but it's really not that big of a deal. I promise that I won't try and get all touchy feely on you, if you promise to try and relax and have a good time" The lop sided grin that he shot my way was enough to put me somewhat at ease as we walked into the parking lot of my building and I got a glimpse of his wheels.

"Holy shit…this is yours?" I exclaimed as I circled the nineteen fifty seven, fully restored Mustang convertible sitting before me.

"Yep…purchased it just this past year. She's my baby…the only thing that means anything to me right now" He said with such love and caring as he wiped a spot from off of the hood. I think that I feel in love with Jared at the very moment because it was the beginning of a long list of things that he and I had in common.

Dinner turned out to be a lot of fun as we ate at a restaurant that was practically my second home. The Penalty Box was somewhat of a diner/sports bar, with great food. It was loaded with lots of sports memorabilia and half dresses waitress who flirted with everything that walked in the door. Usually I was one of the many ogling these women, playing along with the game and tipping big once I was finished with my meal. However, that night with Jared not once did I notice any of them.

He kept my attention grabbed with his sparkling personality and funny stories. Not once in the entire time that we were there did I worry about the fact that I was a straight man pretending to be a gay man, because I was thoroughly enjoying myself and his company. We talked about everything under the sun that night, and I got to know a side of Jared that I didn't think he shared with many people and it felt like a privilege. I had to admit that I was thoroughly disappointed when hours had passed and it was time to call it a night. "Did you have a good time tonight?" He asked once we were settled in the car and he was driving me back home.

"Yeah…I did" I answered honestly because truth be told I had had a great time considering I was on a date with a man.

"Well here we are…" He said once we had pulled into the parking lot of my complex.

"Um…yeah…here we are" I repeated, my palms sweaty as my heart beat like a snare drum within my chest.

"I had a really good time tonight Colin" He went on, sliding a bit closer to me as the thump in my chest increased dramatically. I knew what was coming next, but what I didn't know was if I could go through with it or not.

"Yeah…me too" I rattled off like a dummy, watching as he slide even closer towards me.

"Maybe we can do it again sometime?" He questioned, moving even closer as he locked eyes with mine, his tongue drawing across his bottom lip in a slow motion.

"Yeah…yeah…that would be good" I stammered, hating that I seemed to turn into a blubbering moron whenever Jared was around. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he reached out and placed his hand upon the side of my face, gently urging my head forward. I knew what he was asking for as he continued to stare into my eyes searching for hesitation or defiance, but I was too stunned and scared to do much of either. Slowly our lips inclined towards each other until they were only millimeters away. I watched as a wet tongue quickly jutted across his lips again, sadly to disappear a second later. Closer and closer he came and right before he could lay one on me, I bailed. I jumped out of the car so fast that I nearly hit the pavement face first as I did, hollering a good bye over my shoulder once I righted myself. I watched from around the corner as Jared sat there in the parking lot for a few minutes more, watched as he shook his head and laughed out loud before screeching away. I just knew that I wasn't going to hear from him again, but later that night as I tossed and turned and played over and over in my head that almost kiss, I knew that I couldn't let that happen. The next morning I knew that I had my story. It was going to be the one that was going to put me back on the map. The one that was going to allow me to keep my job, and Jared and the bet between my brother and I was that story.

"You've reached the home of Eamon Farrell…leave it and I will get back to you if I feel like it" I heard the annoying voice mail of my brother as I tried to reach him at home.

"Eamon…I know you're fucking there so get your good for nothing ass out of bed and pick up the phone" I screamed loudly, ensuring that he heard me no matter what or who he was doing. "I mean it Eamon or I will make sure to tell whoever you are entertaining about the time that you…"

"Ok ok…What the fuck do you want" I heard him scream across the line as he picked up the phone.

"I need Jared's phone number" I continued to yell into the phone, closing my eyes for I knew the onslaught was about to begin.

"What…you mean he didn't let him spend the night last night. I thought surely that the two of you would haven rocked the hobby horse by now" I could hear the leer in his voice and I knew that he had that fucking grin on his face as I took a deep breath and tried to control my anger.

"Just give me the fucking number you prick" I shot out, getting ready to blast him a good one if he didn't give me what I needed most.

"Jesus…calm the fuck down already" He laughed as I heard him shuffling on the other side. "Don't forget our bet brother dear" He chuckled after giving me the number. "Oh and don't do anything that I wouldn't do" And then the line went dead.

"Asshole…" I muttered to the dead line as I hung up and then dialed Jared's number.

"Hey…you've reached Jared and I am sorry that I can't take your call right now. However…I'd love to hear from you so leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can" I heard the pleasant voice of Jared's machine speak out to me and for some strange reason it caused me to smile.

"Um…hey Jared…it's Colin" I rushed out…kicking myself for not rehearsing what I wanted to say before hand. "Um…look…I'm really sorry about last night…about you know…the kiss and all…but I had a really nice time other then that. No wait…that's not what I meant. Fuck…I mean…shit…forget it. I'm sorry to bother you" I hung up the phone before I shoved my foot any farther down my throat, cursing and swearing for almost a full hour afterwards as I once again tore my place apart for something to do.

Hours later I was near exhaustion as I laid across the couch, sipping on a beer as I tried not to think of Jared, but as expected I couldn't get him out of my mind. I was still amazed how much of an idiot I always seemed to turn into whenever he was around or even when he wasn't. I couldn't figure out why when it came to him I was a complete mess, but when it came to women I was Mr. Smooth. Mr. Charm, Mr. Didn't even bat an eye when it came to dating or sex. I once again started to degrade myself and was preparing to do so for the rest of the night as I continued to nurse my beer, but a knock at the door halted all efforts. I figured it was Eamon there to give me more grief about the bet that I wished I had never agreed to, but it turned out to be someone completely unexpected.

"Jared…" I cried out the moment that I opened the door and came face to face with him. "What are you doing here" My words were rushed and rude, when I didn't mean them to be. "I mean…hey. It's really nice to see you" I tried to make amends, opening the door even wider as I allowed him to step inside my tiny apartment.

"Well…I got your message and well here I am" He laughed, holding out a six pack of beer. "I rented some movies and brought a sixer and thought that we could just hang out here tonight"

I couldn't believe the nerve of that guy, but I had to admit that he had balls and I liked that about him. "Sure…what did you bring?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen and found two glasses for us to drink our beer from. "Havre you eaten dinner because I could warm up a pizza"

"That would be great" He replied behind me, scaring the shit out of me as I fumbled with the glass that was in my hand. "Colin are you ok with this? I mean…after last night I probably freaked you out when I tried to kiss you, knowing that you weren't ready and all" He asked and I could see the concern and apprehension on his face as he stared up at me.

I felt horrible for the way that he must have felt because I knew it was me that was causing him to feel that way. I still didn't know what it was about Jared that turned me into a bumbling idiot, but I knew that I had to get over it or risk losing him altogether and deep down for whatever reason that was something that I just didn't want to do. "No…this is fine. I'm glad that you stopped by…really" I assured, placing the glass upon the counter as I turned to face him. "Jared look…I know that I have been acting like a complete goof…but this is all so new to me and I don't know how to act around you sometimes" I spoke truthfully, placing my hand upon his shoulder as I did. "But…I like you and I'm glad that you haven't given up on me totally" I grinned down at him before leaning down and pressing my lips against his. It happened all to quickly, so much so that I wasn't really sure that I had even kissed him, but by the look on Jared's face I knew that it had happened and as much as I expected to be grossed out and sickened by it all. I found that I wasn't.

After inhaling a frozen pizza, downing the six pack and then raiding the kitchen for anything else edible, we sat down and began to watch the movies that Jared had rented. Throughout the first one, we sat on opposite ends of the couch, but somehow by the second one he and I were sitting next to each other shoulder to shoulder. The next thing I knew he was playing with my fingers as they rested upon my knee, eventually folding them into his own. We sat there afterwards for I don't know how long, just holding hands as we both pretended to watch the movie in front of us. Then I found myself stretching out, my head leaning upon his shoulder and my hand still clutched within his.

I could smell his cologne and I found it was a pleasant smell. It was a scent that somewhat put my mind at ease. I was growing comfortable with Jared, learning to enjoy our time together and even forgetting for awhile that everything that was going on pertained to a bet and keeping my job, but then his head inclined towards mine and before I knew what was happening his lips were pressed against my own. I didn't fight it at first. In fact I allowed it to progress more then I intended to as a simple kiss between us began to turn into something more. I really didn't mind the kissing, the pressing of two pairs of lips belonging to a gay man and one claiming to be straight, but as he maneuvered his tongue to enter my mouth, I had to cut short in the instant. "Jared…I'm sorry" I panted, pulling back out of fear and concern. "I…I just can't go any further right now" I went on, trying to pull away, but he wouldn't let go of me.

"You're right…I'm sorry" He spoke softly, soothingly. "I shouldn't have pushed so far. Do you feel comfortably enough to just lie here like we were?" He asked and once again I could see the fear of rejection in his eyes.

"Yeah…yeah…that would be nice" I supplied, smiling nervously at him as I wrapped my arms across my chest and once again leaned upon his warmth. I flinched somewhat when I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder, but eventually I melted against him as I once again lost myself in the scent of his cologne. I must have fallen asleep because hours later I woke up to the sound of snoring as Jared slept soundly beside me. "Jared…Jared…" I called out his name, nudging him gently as I tried to wake him. "Jared…wake up…it's late" I went on with my task, until blue eyes opened up to me. "Hey…" I chuckled as those eyes scanned the room around him before falling back on me.

"Hey…what time is it?" He asked, shifting upwards as he slid away from me, disappointment filling me before I pushed it away completely.

"Late…" I replied, stretching before jerking myself off of the couch.

"I guess that I better go" I heard him speak as he looked at his watch, getting up himself. "I had a really nice time tonight Colin and I hope that I didn't…"

"You didn't" I cut him off, standing behind him as he walked towards the front door. "Just give me some time to get used to all this. Ok?" I asked once he had turned around to face me again. "Everything that is happening to me is so strange and it's just going to take me some time to figure it all out" I spoke in half truths as he gave me a strange look, but then it was gone just as quickly as I had seen it.

"Night Colin…" He said with a nod of understanding as he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

"Night Jared…" I replied, stealing a quick kiss from his lips before he walked out the door. I couldn't keep the smile off of my face as I turned off the TV and the lights and prepared for bed. However, once I was under the covers was when my mind began to play tricks on me. I began to panic because I had kissed a man. It hadn't only been one or even twice, but three times. Not only that but I had laid in his arms as we snuggled like love sick teenagers. My mind was waging a bitter battle, one that kept me up yet again for a second night in a row as I tried to figure out why the hell I enjoyed it so much.

I needed a break from Jared and the whole pretending I was gay, when in reality and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I really didn't feel straight anymore anyway. So after a third sleepless night I knew what I had to do, despite the fact that my heart wasn't totally in it. I was on a mission as I ignored the many phone calls that I received from Jared, waiting for the hour when I would put my plan into action and make myself feel better about everything that had been going on, In a sense attempting to make myself feel more like the man I used to be before the bet and Jared entered my life.

I arrived at "The Kitty Cat Club" just as the dancers were hitting the stage. Loaded down with a shit load of one dollar bills, I sat in front of the stage, ordered a drink and tried to force myself to ogle the bare titties swinging in front of my face. When I was out of one dollar bills, I pulled out the credit card and paid for a lap dance, but as the dancer ground her almost bare pussy across my lap, she got no response whatsoever as much as she tried. In fact the only thing that made my dick twitch that entire time was the thought of Jared kissing me as I recalled the way that his lips felt against my own. Disgusted once again with my behavior, I pushed her away and roared into the night in hopes of clearing my fucked up mind. That didn't help either as I pulled my motorcycle off to the side of the deserted highway and just sat there, thinking of none other then the man that I had been trying to forget all day and night.

"Colin…what's the matter?" I heard Jared groggy voice speak out to me as I stood in the frame of his front door hours later, shaking and more confused then I had ever been in my lifetime. "Come in…come in" He ushered me inside, helping me take off my leather jacket before leading me towards his couch. "Sit down…let me get you something to drink" He tired to leave, but I was quicker as I jumped off the couch and pulled him into my arms. After the fiasco from before I needed some reassurance, something to ground me and I just knew that Jared was the one to do that for me. I sought out his lips almost greedily as I devoured them under my own, this time completely ready for the task of tongue exploration as he fell into the kiss, nearly melting in my arms as I pulled him tighter against my body. "Jesus Colin…I don't know what's got into you tonight but please don't stop" He cried out as I somehow maneuvered the two of us onto the couch, the full brunt of my body plastering him against the cushions.

Eyes closed, I blocked out the warning signals that were flashing before me, screaming within my ears, telling me that I was going to fast, that what I was doing was wrong, because it didn't feel wrong. Kissing Jared that night felt like the only right thing that had happened in a long time and aside from the fact that I was freaking out quite a bit on the inside, I never let him know on the outside. Well, that was I didn't let him know until his hand was cupping my hardening dick across the front of my leather pants and I about had a heart attack right there on top of him. "Shit…shit…" I cried out, forcing his hand away before leaping off the couch as I stood across the room from him. "Jesus…what the hell am I doing? What the fucks wrong with me?" I spoke to myself, trying to control my rapidly beating heart as well as my penis that was so rock hard that I was about to explode all over myself.

"Colin…" I heard Jared speak nervously behind me, letting out a yelp of fear when he placed his hands upon my arm and I jumped as if he had branded me. "Maybe…you should go" He went on a bit more loudly, but that time the fear was gone, replaced with full irritation. I couldn't blame him for wanting to kick me out, but at the same time I was so angry and confused and felt as if I had no one or no place to go to.

"I'm sorry Jared for everything" I blurted out, tears pouring from my eyes as I turned into a complete sissy in front of him. I tried to control them, really I did, but I felt as if I was losing my mind and crying seemed to be the only way to release the tension that had been building up. I knew that I should have told him right then and there what was going on with me, that as far as I was concerned I was a straight man who for some reason or other seemed to enjoy men, or a particular man touching and kissing me. "This wasn't supposed to be this hard. I thought it was going to be such an easy thing to do…but I was wrong. I am so fucking confused that I don't know what to do with myself anymore" I cried out in full frustration, meaning one thing yet knowing that Jared was taking its meaning another way.

"Shhh…its ok" He soothed, pulling me into his arms as he held onto me and allowed me the chance to fall apart. "I know how rough this is on you…trust me I've been there" Leaning into his touch, his embrace I closed my eyes and once again allowed the very smell of him to center me. I had never felt this way with any women before and despite the fact that it was calming in one sense, it was also alarming as well. "Come on…let me take you home"

I immediately froze because I didn't want to go home. The only thing I wanted was to stay locked away in strong arms that always seemed to make me feel better. "Can I stay here tonight?" I spoke in almost a child's voice as I stepped back and begged him with my eyes to grant me that wish. I could see the doubt in his own eyes, but he was quickly becoming the master of hiding his feelings from me as he nodded in response before taking my hand and leading me towards the bedroom. Full fledged panic attacked me the moment that I entered the room and came face to face with the bed. For long moments I could only stand there and stare at the object that was well known for sleeping, but also for other activities that I found myself wanting to experience and yet at the same time terrified me beyond belief. Once again Jared must have sensed my discomfort as he stood quietly beside me, waiting for me to either prepare myself for sleep or do as I had been doing since it had all started and freak out. I opted to pull myself together enough to not freak out as I undressed down to my briefs before crawling across the expanse of the bed.

"Do you need anything?" He asked, still standing in the doorway his eyes darting around the room as if trying to avoid looking at me.

"No…I'm good" I responded quietly, sitting in the middle of the bed cross legged wondering when he was going to join me.

"Well goodnight then…" His words hit me like a two ton truck as he turned off the light and walked away. I sat there for a good few minutes before I got my wits about me. My mind and heart were waging a bitter battle once again as relief washed over me at him being understanding enough to give me the space that he felt I needed. However, relief was quickly replaced by disappointment because no matter how much I tried to deny it, I wanted to feel Jared's body lain up against mine. I wanted to feel his lips as we shared small and yet not so small kisses.

"Jared…" I whispered into the darkened living room as I stumbled though the night after giving up the battle and giving into what I wanted most, right or wrong.

"Yeah…" I heard his voice through the darkness. "Everything ok?" He asked, a light blinding me for a second as he sat up on the couch.

"Um…I know that I don't have any right to ask this of you…seeing as how I've been driving you crazy and all…but could you…um…" I was at a loss for words, huge surprise there, but again he knew what I needed as he walked over towards me, once again taking my hand as he led us into the bedroom.

"Better…" He questioned, lying beside me before reaching over to turn off the light. Bathed in darkness, we both just laid there not speaking. The only sounds in the room were the labored breaths that each of us was trying to hold back.

I didn't feel better, in fact I felt more alone at that very moment then I had since the whole ordeal had started. I knew what would make things right with me at least as I rolled onto my side, laying my head upon his shoulder, one arm laying across his stomach. I waited to see how he would respond; fearing that he would push me away or worse yet just continue to lie there unmoving. Seconds seemed to turn into hours before he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me tighter into his comfort zone before laying his cheek upon the top of my head. I don't remember anything after that as slumber took me, waking nearly eight hours later wrapped up snugly within Jared's arms after the most refreshing night of sleep I had experienced in years. I was glad that I was the first one to wake up as I took my first real up close and personal look at Jared Leto.

He had a nice face, so beautiful in every way. He was almost childlike as he slept, sharing with me such a beautiful smile that even in sleep he possessed. His features were manly and chiseled, with a jutted out chin that I long to kiss and nibble despite my fears. There was a small spattering of freckles on each side of his face under his eyes that made me smile at their cuteness. The truth of the matter was that after looking at him for quite some time I came to the conclusion that the man was about as close to perfection as I had ever laid eyes on before. Not only was he easy on the eyes, gay or straight, but he had the kindness and the patience of a saint, even though I knew that I was wearing those same patience thin with my antics.

"Is it ok for me to open my eyes now?" I heard him giggle, his eyes remaining closed as he turned his head towards me.

"Sure…what wouldn't it be?" I asked horrified.

"Well you were checking me out pretty hard for awhile there and I didn't want to disturb you" Laughter erupted from his lips as he opened those smiling eyes at me, causing me to blush like a mad man. I was giddy as a school girl, as feelings of calmness and wanted washed over me. I loved just being together like that with him, laughing, talking and dare I even have thought it, flirting with him.

"Well you caught me" I blushed again, pushing myself up onto my elbow as I gazed down at his smiling face. "I can't help it…you're just to damn handsome not to stare at" I flirted even harder as I leaned down and kissed the smile off of his face, shocking myself as well as him.

"Well someone sure feels better this morning" He teased, staring up at me as he wound his hand around my shoulder, locking it into a fist within my hair before pulling me down for another kiss. It was several long moments before we broke apart for air, each of us grinning like mad at the other. "Well guess that I should get my lazy ass out of bed and get a shower" He said as he pulled himself into a sitting position before climbing off the bed altogether. "So what are your plans today?" He called out over his shoulder as he rummaged through a few draws before turning to face me.

"I thought I'd catch a shower before I head back home and start working on my new article" I played coy, biting my thumb as he gaped at me with wide eyes. "If you don't mind sharing one with me"

"No…no…I don't mind" He stammered, this time it was him that blushed as he continued to stare at me. "Are you sure?"

I didn't reply as I slide off the bed, walking past him into the bathroom before fiddling with the nozzle of the shower. Once the water was heated and ready, I turned to face the man still standing in the doorway in shock. Pushing past the butterflies in my stomach I slide my underwear down my legs, kicking them in Jared's direction before stepping under the warm spray. He joined me not to long there after, pinning me against the cold tiles as he kissed the shit out of me. I had decided at that very moment that I wasn't going to worry about if what was happening between us was right or wrong anymore, because it felt nothing but right. I knew that I had a long way to go before I understood the changes that were happening to me, but I was willing to take as much time as was needed. My hands explored every aspect of his body, needing to feel the slickness of his skin under my fingers as his hands not idle themselves did the same to me. I didn't bat an eye when he leaned down and played with my nipples with his teeth, even moaned loudly when those same pair of hands that had been exploring my upper regions began to knead the cheeks of my ass.

Slowly and with great dedication I began to taste of his flesh, keeping him pinned to the wall as I worked my way down his chest and stomach until I was kneeling before his hardened cock. Closing my eyes for only a moment I pulled in a breath that was meant to calm me, but only served to work me up even more. Images from another time long ago began to assault me, but I pushed them away as I wrapped my hand around his nice sized penis, taking another breath before covering it with my mouth. "Colin…" He cried out, .one hand gripping one of the handles behind him for support, the other gripping onto my flattened spike as I began to set a rhythm. "You…you don't have to" His cries continued, but I ignored them as I with hand and mouth worked him into such a frenzy that he was near hysterical with his wailings. I knew that he was enjoying what I was doing to him and all I kept thinking about was not only having him return the favor, but fucking the shit out of him as well. Again, I felt as if I should have been sickened by such guilt at what I was doing there on my knees, but I felt the complete opposite. It felt as if it were the most natural thing in the world and that I loved sucking his cock and making him moan like crazy. "Colin…gonna…gonna…come" He screamed, slipping some down the wall before gaining his balance, but it didn't hinder me from my task. Salty cream filled my hollowed cheeks as I received my first manly taste of Jared, swallowing it down and licking him clean once I knew he was finished.

"Whoa…" I cried out, jumping to my feet as he once again slide down the wall, that time unable to regain his balance. "Easy there…don't need you busting your head open after my first time sucking you off" I chuckled at the look of awe and wonder that screamed out from his eyes as he allowed me to assist him out of the shower and back into the bed.

"You…you've done this before?" He posed a question, more like a statement towards me as he laid on his back, me lying beside him.

"Yeah…" Was the only answer I could muster as I ducked my head in shame at my dirty little secret finally coming out.

"I don't understand…why? How? Who?" He asked more questions and I could see the confusion on his face, which bothered me more then I could explain.

I knew that he deserved an explanation after all the shit that I had put him through before hand, so with a deep and cleansing breath I began to tell him the story of how I learned to suck cock like a master. "His name was Karl and I met him while hiking through the Alps when I was younger. We were both young…alone and trying to find ourselves outside the boundaries of our family. I had no idea that he was gay…not at first and it wouldn't have mattered if he was. I was just glad to have someone to talk to…despite the fact that he only spoke broken English. We must have traveled together for about two months before anything happened. There was a beer fest in one of the small towns that we were visiting and after downing too many liters of German beer…we somehow stumbled back to our tiny room at the inn we were staying. We had been sleeping side by side from the first night that we had meet…but that night was different as little by little we began to remove our clothing…until we were both nude and sailing at half mast. He started stroking himself…moaning about how horny he was…and how could I not join in as I laid beside him and began to jerk myself off as well. I didn't think anything about jerking off with another man laying beside me…but then the next thing I knew he was sucking me off and as much as I knew I should stop…I couldn't. It was the most intense orgasm of my life. I swear I shot buckets and afterwards he begged of me to do the same. I tried to fight him…but the beer and my curiosity got the better of me and before I knew what was happening I had his dick in my mouth. It became an almost night occurrence after that first time…but there was never anything more to it then simple blow jobs. I told myself that it was only because there was no one else to take care of our needs…but now I know that it was so much more. There was never any kissing…never any snuggling and I thought nothing of that. I even thought that Karl felt the same way…but I knew differently one night when he kissed me and then told me that he was in love with me"

"What happened after that?" He asked me, propped up on his elbow, fully intent on my story.

"I panicked…called him all sorts of names and then bolted out of there as fast as I could. The only problem was that…"

"You had fallen in love with him as well" Jared finished for me, cupping my face tenderly as he forced me to look at him.

"Yeah…I didn't realize it at the time since I was still trying to convince myself that I had just allowed everything to happen out of loneness. It actually wasn't until I met you that I allowed myself to look at what it was at face value. I loved him and I hurt him in a way that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I know who I am now Jared…and it's all thanks to you" I replied, leaning into his touch as I gazed deeply into his eyes because I needed him to know the truth I was speaking. "I've denied the truth for so long…but I don't want to hide behind it anymore. I…I…think that I love you Jared" I whispered the words that had been dying to spring from my lips for days before hand. I knew that we had much to discuss, but all that was shoved aside as he pounced upon me, sending my back to the mattress as he kissed the shit out of me. His hand found my dick as he began to torture and tease it with a fractioned rhythm.

"Jared…please" I cried out, wanting more then a simple hand job. I wanted Jared on his knees as he worshipped my cock with his mouth. The images in my head alone made me harder, but seeing it first hand and real was nearly my undoing.

"Is that what you want?" He teased, grinning up at me as he knelt at the end of the bed, my dick still in his hand as the heat of his words brushed across my oozing tip.

"Oh god yes…" I cried out, closing my eyes and biting my lip as he literally inhaled my penis into his mouth. I wish that I could say that I lasted for hours and that we pleasured ourselves over and over again throughout the day, but that would be a lie. I came right there after, screaming like mad as he milked me for all I was worth. Afterwards I was too tired to do much of anything except cuddle into Jared's chest and promptly fall asleep. I don't know how long I was out, but I was wakened to a loud annoying screech as I opened my eyes and found a tall…lanky man standing before the bed staring down at me.

"Jared…baby…I was concerned when you didn't come to work today but now I see why. And I must say that I sure don't blame you" His loud voice continued on as his hands flew in every direction possible. "I don't think that we've had the pleasure" He grinned at me, plopping down on the bed at my side, his hand outstretched. "The names Rodney…but you can call me Rod"

"Colin…" I replied, shaking his hand and feeling very uncomfortable as I gave him a forced smile before turning my attention back to Jared. I didn't say a word, but I hoped that my eyes alone told him just how uncomfortable I was with the whole situation.

"Rod…" He said with a nod, sitting up as he turned to talk to his friend. "Why don't you go and make some coffee and Colin and I will join you in a minute"

"Coffee…its early evening baby…but then you'd know that if you had bothered to get out of bed at all today" He chirped, whirling off the bed as he trounced over towards the window ripping the shades open. "I suggest cocktails instead" He leered at the two of us, his tongue jutted out as he sucked on his bottom lip. "But…don't rush on my account" He leered even harder, giving me a not so quick once over before shooting me a wink as he exited the door.

"Well now you've met Rod" Jared spoke softly, laying his forehead upon my chest as he hid his face.

"He's certainly colorful" I chuckled, kissing him atop his head before rolling away from him. "And loud" I laughed even louder as I heard off key singing in the background.

"That he is…but he's a wonderful business partner and friend. I've known him for years and…" He defended his friendship to Rodney as a round of guilt descended upon me for being so callous.

"I'm sure he's a wonderful guy and I can't wait to get to know him" I replied with a smile, leaning across the bed as I planted a wet kiss upon his lips.

The rest of the evening did not go as I would have expected or wanted it to, but I had nice time just the same. Rodney turned out to be such a character with his brightly colored clothing and his exuberance that I found myself liking him rather quickly. Many cocktails were consumed. Lots of laughter and stories shared and before we knew it was quite late into the morning hours. None of us were feeling any pain as we called it a night, Jared and I retiring to the bedroom, Rod already passed out on the couch.

"You and Rodney seemed to hit it off well" I heard Jared call out from the bathroom as he brushed his teeth. "In fact I think that he has quite a little crush on you" He teased as I walked up behind him in my underwear, wrapping my arms around his waist as I pulled him against my body.

"Well it's too bad that I only have eyes for someone else" I teased back, staring at him through the mirror as I tightened the hold I had on him.

"Anyone I know?" He questioned with a smile and a glint in his eyes as he turned around in my embrace wrapping his arms around my neck.

"Maybe…" I murmured against his lips before sucking them under my own.

I have to admit that life after that was amazing. I had never felt so light and carefree then I did at those times and it was all thanks to Jared. I still hadn't told him about the bet and yet I knew that I should have. I don't know why I didn't tell him, maybe I thought that I would jinx what we had or ruin it altogether if I did. I had tried to tell Eamon a few times that I wanted the bet to be over, but something always held me back there as well. Instead when he asked me how things between Jared and I were, I usually lied my ass off. I didn't want him to know what was going on between us and truthfully I didn't know what was really going on between us anyway.

I had fallen head over heels in love with Jared, that much I could admit to myself and had told him on a few occasions, but not once had be returned the sentiment. I knew that Jared cared for me, but I had yet to hear those words of love that I was craving to hear. I think in part that was some of the reason that I never told him the truth, because if what we had didn't work out I could always blame it on the fact that everything had been about research for my article. However, everything changed one night and after that I knew my life was never going to be the same again.

It was the night of the big Football game and Jared had decided it was a great time for me to get to know all his friends as he threw a kick off party. He had a wonderful group of friends, ones that were very protective of him, in particular Rodney who hadn't taken his eye off of me all night. At first I thought that it was because of what Jared had said about him having a crush on me, but as the night progressed I found it to be something completely different. I found the two of them later that night sitting on Jared's bed talking and Jared did not look happy. "Ok…we're alone baby. So tell me what's going on with you" They had no clue that I was hanging around the corner and as much as I knew I should not be listening I couldn't help myself.

"It's nothing" Jared responded with a sad smile, not fooling Rodney or me with it.

"Baby…I've known you for a long time and I know when you are lying…now tell Rod everything" He scolded, taking Jared's fidgeting hands into his own.

"It's just that Colin and I have been seeing each other for awhile now and it's probably stupid…but I just don't know where I stand with him" He rushed out, hanging his head as he stared at their intertwined hands.

"Yes…there is something strange about him that I can't quite put my finger on" Rodney surmised a he furrowed his perfectly shaped brow.

"What do you mean?" Jared asked, looking up at his long time friend in confusion.

"Well you tell me how loving and sweet he is when you are alone and yet whenever I'm around…he keeps at least ten feet between the two of you. He about had a heart attack when I mentioned us all going out to dinner just the other night…coming up with some stupid excuse not to go. I mean Jesus honey…you're a fucking knockout and if it were me that was dating you I would be showing you off all over the place" He exclaimed. "That's it…that's what the problem is isn't it? You think that he embarrassed to be seen with you?"

"Yes and no…" He replied. "It's so fucking complicated" His words got more irritated as he got up and began to pace the room. "He's such a great guy. He's so sweet and loving when we are alone and yet when ever anyone else is around he refuses to touch me. Hell….barely even talks to me. It's just frustrating as hell. I mean…I know that he's just come out and all…but sometimes I feel as if he's still trying to hold onto his straightness…or that maybe he's just using me for experimentation with sex. Which we haven't even had yet"

"What…" Rodney screeched, rushing over to Jared as he forced him to face him. "What do you mean you haven't had sex yet? I found you in bed with him that first day, naked as jay birds"

"God…" Jared drawled out, walking over to the bed before falling dramatically across it. "All we've ever done is hand and blow jobs. We've never actually gone all the way and I am so fucking frustrated that I feel that I might explode. I've tried to be patient Rod…but it's getting harder and harder" I could hear the frustration that Jared was talking about in his voice and I knew that everything he was saying and feeling was true. I had been playing with Jared's heart and mind from the beginning and that was something that I didn't want to do any longer.

"Do you really think that he's using you?" Rodney asked, sitting back down on the bed, crossing his legs so lady like.

"I don't know Rod. He tells me from time to time that he loves me…but how can I believe him when he can't even touch me unless we are alone"

"Have you talked to him about it?" He inquired further, lying down beside Jared.

"No…that part of the problem as well. I want to tell him how I feel…but he's so skittish most times that I am afraid that he will bolt and never come back"

"Maybe that's not such a bad idea since he's hurting you this way" Rod spoke truthfully and it caused my heart to sink.

"I love him Rod. I've fallen head over heels in love with him…but I don't know how long I can put up with what we have right now. I want more from him but I don't think that he's ready for more and the fact of that matter is that maybe never will be. I think that there is something that he's holding him back and until he works through it nothing more will come of us" Closing my eyes I left the hallway that I was hiding in, sitting down in the living room among Jared's friends as I pondered all that I had heard. It was a little while later that Jared and Rodney came out of the bedroom and with one look at Jared I knew that he had been crying. He had a look of hurt and devastation on his face and I knew that I had to come clean once and for all or lose him in the process.

"Hey…" I said quickly as I rushed across the room, standing before him as I placed my arms around his waist. For a moment he just stood there shocked, but eventually he melted into my arms, laying his head upon my shoulder as Rodney stared at me from behind. "Everything ok?" I asked, ignoring the dark looks I was receiving from his friend as I focused my attention back to Jared.

"Perfect" He sighed against my chest as he looked up at me.

"Good…" I smiled down at him, letting my head fall forward as I kissed him good and hard right there in front of everyone.

"Yeah…" He sighed again once I broke our kiss. Taking his hand I walked the two of us over towards the only empty spot on the couch. I could barely fit there myself, so I did the next best thing and jerked Jared onto my lap. The smile on his face was the most beautiful thing I had ever witnessed as he once again snuggled against my chest, our lips somehow finding each others once again. I don't know for how long we made out on the couch, but when we finally pulled back and looked around the room was completely empty.

"Was it something that I said?" I giggled, shifting him off of my lap as I laid him on his back across the empty couch.

"Maybe it was what you didn't say" He laughed, his eyes shimmering with such love and happiness that I was about to lose it.

"Jared…I heard what you and Rodney were talking about in your room tonight" I spilled the truth, sitting up as I bit nervously at my thumb. "I didn't mean to. I was looking for you and you looked so upset and then I heard what you said and…I'm sorry that I made you feel that way about us" I gushed on, taking his hands into my own. "I know that I have made this difficult for you, but it's been just as difficult for me as well. You're right about everything you said though and I want to prove to you that when I tell you that I love you…that I mean it. I've just been so scared about coming out to others since I just started to believe it myself and yet that's not enough of an excuse to make you feel like your not the most important person in my life…because you are"

"Colin…you don't…" He tried to interrupt me, but I wanted to get everything off of my chest because I felt he had the right to know.

"Yes I do…" I interjected. "I love you Jared and I have been dying to make love to you…but your were right about there being something holding me back. It's something that has been eating at me from the first moment that you kissed me and it is something that I have to work though. I'll be back…I promise" I called out over my shoulder as I headed for the door.

"You have to take care of it now?" Jared questioned from across the room, shock and confusion plastered across his face.

"Yes…" I replied fanatically, rushing back over to him as I kissed him thoroughly. "I have to take care of it now and when I come back we will talk and then if you still want me, I am going to make love to you for the first time. I love you Jared" I vowed again before turning back for the door. I was on a mission, determined to end the bet that Eamon and I had shook on. I didn't care what I had to do to end it, even admitting defeat of sorts if it meant that Jared never found out about what I had done, from anyone but me that was.

"Eamon…" I screamed like a man mad, pounding on the front door of Eamon's place. "Eamon…open the fucking door…I know you're in there"

"Where's the fucking fire?" I heard him curse as he opened the door looking bleary eyed and half dressed.

"The bets off…" I rushed out, ignoring the look of shock and then anger that quickly crossed his face.

"What do you mean the bets off?" He questioned me angrily, walking past me towards the kitchen, making sure to bump me with his shoulder as he did.

"I mean the bets off…plain and simple. I know that we shook on it…but…"

"But nothing…you can't just call off on a bet like that Colin. The fact is that if you forfeit then that means that I win and you have to quit your precious job and work for me"

"Jesus Christ Eamon…" I started to yell, but then thought better of it because none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was that I had a man waiting for me to tell him the truth about myself and if he decided to forgive me, one that I was dying to make love to. "You know what…fine. I forfeit the bet…you win. I'll do whatever the hell you want…just put an end to it now" I ground out, trying to walk away but he wasn't having it.

"What is this all about? A month ago you were drooling over this bet and the idea that you could make a decent story out of it and save your fledging journalistic career and now you're just willing to give it all up…why?" He asked again, grinning at me like the cat that ate the canary, which of course only served to piss me off.

"None of your fucking business" Was my simple retort as I pushed him out of my way and burst through the still open door. I was in such a rush to get back to Jared that I almost crashed my Harley twice, but I didn't care because I was dying to make love to him as well as come clean about everything. I knew that I should tell him about the bet first, but I had to admit that I was more then a little petrified that he would be angry and then want nothing more to do with me. Finally reaching his place I ran up the stairs to his apartment two at a time, almost jamming my arm as I tried to open his door and found it locked. "Jared…" I called out, knocking on the door hurriedly. "Jared open the door…it's Colin" I was starting to get worried when ten minutes later I was still standing outside of his apartment, beating on the door like a crazed man. "Jared…you're starting to scare me. Open the fucking door" I called out in fear, banging on the door even louder. "Jared…" I cried out again, stepping back in fright when the door swung open and a zombie looking version of Jared stepped out into the hallway. Before I had a chance to speak I felt his fist connect with my face and as my ass end hit the floor I noticed for the first time the phone in his hand. "Jared no…it's not what you think" I tried to explain myself as best as I could, but only ended up making things worse. "I can explain…"

"You can explain…" He repeated my words back to me with such hate and anger that it sent chills down my spine. "Is it true…was there a bet? Was I a fucking bet?" Tears ran down his cheeks and I had to fight the urge to wipe them away because I knew that my touch was the last thing that he wanted at that point in time. I had my own tears to deal with as I continued to sit on the floor, unable to move as well as I tried to come up with a coherent sentence that would explain everything that had happened.

"Yes…" Was all I managed to say

"Bastard…" His scream echoed around the tiny hallway over and over again, the phone in his hand grazing the side of my head like a bullet as it whizzed past me. The sound of a door slamming was all that could be heard after that as he stormed away, leaving me cold and unmoving on the hard floor.

"I'm sorry Jared…" I cried out against the door as I leaned against it once I was able to get my wits about me. "It wasn't supposed to end up like this. I tried to put an end to the bet. I wanted to tell you first…wanted to tell you everything" I sobbed as I fell apart in that very spot in front of his door. "I meant everything I said to you Jared…everything. Do you hear me Jared…I love you. I love you so much and I am so sorry for everything" My cries continued as I beat furiously upon the locked door. "Please forgive me. Please Jared I beg of you" I sobbed even harder, quickly realizing that nothing I was going to say was going to make him open that door. Broken and so full of defeat that I could barely walk, I left Jared's apartment and headed back to my own empty place.

It was days before I saw the light of day again as I had locked myself away in my apartment drinking myself stupid. I hadn't taken a shower in days and lord knew when I had last eaten. but none of that mattered to me I felt as if my life was over and even that didn't matter to me because I wanted my life to be over. Daily I had tried to call Jared, but he never answered his phone. I even tried to call him at work, but each time Rodney would answer, give me an earful and then promptly hang up on me. I couldn't blame Jared for being angry and upset with me, but I kept hoping that he would at least give me a chance to explain. However, that that chance never came. When I wasn't drinking myself into unconsciousness I wrote. I wrote myself stupid until I was exhausted not only mentally but physically as well. I wrote from the bottom of my soul to the tip of my broken heart. Some times I laughed until I could laugh no more and then other times I would cry so hard that I would fall asleep from the utter exhaustion of it all. I felt as if I were dying and my writing was the only thing keeping me adrift on a sea of nothingness.

Weeks had passed before I even dared to venture out of my smelly apartment, but that was only to turn in what I was sure to be my last assignment to my editor, before returning back to my apartment for another drinking binge. Another few days passed before I once again saw the light of the day due to an empty liquor cabinet. I spoke to no one and ignored the stares and dirty looks from others as I sat at the bar where I had met Jared for the first time as I drowned my sorrows in cheap beer and full loneliness. My head was swimming and my vision unclear once the bartender cut me off, calling a cab to send me home in. I had ever intention of sleeping it off at home, however my brother decided to show his face at that time and all hell broke loose after that.

"Oh brother dear…you haven't been keeping your end of the bet" He sang in my ear, standing behind me while I finished the last of my beer. "You either clean your fucking act up and come to work for me or trust me your life will be a living hell from now on" He threatened, sending my anger and renewed despair into over load. It was at that time that I lost control of all my senses as I turned to face the man who with one fucking phone call ruined my entire fucking life.

"Do you honestly think that you can ruin my life anymore then you've already ruined it" I laughed madly, slipping clumsily off the bar stool, invading his personal space in a huge way. "You completely ruined my life when you made that phone call…brother dear" I mocked his earlier words as I poked him in the chest to prove my point.

"Watch it Colin…" He tried to warn me with his words and his flashing eyes of anger, but I could have cared less as I pushed him even further.

"Watch what Eamon…" I leered, poking him again. "Watch how you devastated my life with one simple phone call. Watch how you broke the heart of the sweetest…the kindest man on the entire planet. It's time to change the channel Eamon because I've already seen what playing" I quipped, pushing him with both hands as he went flying backwards into the bar. I expected him to counter attack and I was so ready for something like that to happen, but instead, at first all I got was blind shock.

"OMG…it's true then?" He questioned, still staring at me as if I had grown two heads, but soon I understood everything clearly. "I thought that I was reading a work of fiction…but now I can see that every word that you wrote was true. Holy shit…Colin Farrell is not only a fucking fag…but in love with one as well. Well welcome to the darker side of gaydom my dear brother" He laughed evilly, grinning at me with that shit eating grin that I hated with an all fired passion. "Don't worry Colin…I've had Jared and trust me when I tell you this…you're not missing much"

"Don't you dare fucking talk about him like that" I warned, once again stepping into his personal space. "You don't know anything about being in love with someone else. All you know is how to fuck every young piece of ass that crosses your path"

"Boy…he's really done a number on you hasn't he. I'm really quite surprised Cols…" He leered at me again. "I was sure that you could do so much better" And with those words spoken I lost my mind completely, losing track of all that was around me as I focused on hurting the man who had besmirched the name of the man I was still missing and loving more then I thought was possible.

My fist connected with his chin first, jerking his body upwards just enough for my other fist to contact with his tender underside. I don't really know what happened after that, but what I do remember is Eamon picking up a bar stool and slamming it over my head, dazing me for only a few seconds before I went mad. What he didn't realize was that I was high on anger and full to the brim with mind altering alcohol. I didn't feel a thing as he ran head first into my stomach, sending us to the floor where we proceeded to beat the shit out of each other. I wasn't sure how long the fight actually went on, all I knew was that with each hit by my hateful brother the angrier I got. I was like a crazed man as I became fists of fury, punching everything and anything in my wake, including two police officers who had been called in to break up the fight between us. Before I knew what had happened I was ripped off of my brother, handcuffed and thrown across the room as the two bloodied officers tried to make sense of what had happened.

"He started it" I heard Eamon scream from across the other end of the bar, but I couldn't see him due to a rapidly swelling left eye and a bloodied right one. I could hear other speaking but I wasn't paying them any mind. All I could focus on was my churning stomach and my throbbing body before vomiting all over a pair of very shiny black shoes. I must have passed out because when I woke up I was laying in what appeared to be a hospital room, my left hand handcuffed to the railing of the bed I was in.

"Fuck…" I whispered painfully as I shifted just a bit and every part of my body screamed out in painful response. Closing my eyes I let out the breath of air that I had been holding back, wishing like hell that I was dead.

"Boy…you look like shit" I heard a familiar voice whistle, causing me to jerk my eyes open and regretting it immediately.

Taking a deep breath, I willed my eyes open slowly as I took in my first sight of Jared in what felt like forever. "Jared…" I croaked, tears twinkling in my eyes out of fear and sheer happiness. "I didn't think that I would ever see you again" I spoke hesitantly, afraid that if I spoke above more then a whisper that he would run away from me forever.

"Yeah well…" He stammered, looking away from me for a moment before bringing his eyes back towards mine. "What the fuck were you thinking getting into a bar fight" He lectured me, throwing a bouquet of flowers that I hadn't seen him holding before at me.

"Thanks…" I laughed slightly, moaning right there after at the rush of pain that bolted up my arm as I reached for the flowers with my right hand.

"Shit…does it hurt?" He asked concerned, reaching out to gently touch the cheek covered with a sterile bandage to hide its rawness.

"Like crazy…" I responded…attempting to reach out towards that same hand with my left one, the clinking of metal hindering my progress. "Shit…" I cried out irritated and embarrassed as his eyes then focused on the pair of handcuffs gleaming in the bright hospital light. Locking eyes with me I could read the questions in his eyes as with another deep breath I attempted to explain everything. "Some how in the middle of my scrap with Eamon…I managed to punch a police officer"

"You punched a police officer?" He questioned laughter in his words as he sat down on a chair located next to the bed.

"Two actually" I laughed myself, happy to hear him laughing once again after everything that has happened. "Then I puked on one of their shoes" My laughter got louder, my body screaming in pain from the effort, but I didn't care. Jared was in the same room as I and didn't seem to be in any rush to run away and for that any amount of pain was worth it.

"You really are pathetic" He laughed some more, but soon the laughter died and we were left with uneasy silence.

The silence was killing me as was the need to know where Jared and I stood at that very moment. "So…does this mean that you've forgiven me for everything?" I asked, holding my breath as I waited for him to respond to my very important question.

I felt as if I were going to go blue waiting for him to respond and then when he did, I wanted to die on the spot. "I haven't decided yet" He spoke truthfully, the laughter from earlier gone as an unsettling heaviness began to settle over the entire room. "You really hurt me Colin" He spoke quietly, his eyes locked on my shackled wrist before going on. "I knew that you were hiding something…I just never expected that it was lies about you being gay and a bet with your brother"

"I know Jared and I can never express how sorry I am for hurting you, for everything that I have done to cause you grief" I sniffled, swallowing hard as the pain in my heart intensified ten times more then the pain of my outer shell. The room was filled with such an eerie silence that I felt as if it were going to suffocate me, but I pushed on as Jared continued to sit silently beside me. "It all started out as a stupid bet…but then I got to know you and…and…" I couldn't go on as tears rushed to my eyes…blazing down my cheeks. "You will never know just how sorry I am and how much I truly…"

"Love me" He finished for me, his own tears marring his handsome face.

"Yeah…how did you know?" I croaked again sounding like a bull frog.

"I read your article" He supplied, sliding his hand into my cuffed one.

"I didn't even know that it was published until Eamon told me before the fight" I said, reaching over with my free hand to stroke the top of the hand I was determined to never let go of again.

"Rodney told me all about it the day that it came out. Well it was more like he sniffled about it the day that it came out. But I was still so angry at you and hurt and I just couldn't bring myself to read it…but he was determined that no matter what I was. Every morning I would find a copy of the paper at my door. Every day at work it would find a copy posted throughout the place. I found them in my car. In my gym bag…anywhere that he knew I would see it. Finally after a week of it I gave in and read it and it was amazing" He looked up at me, a smile blazing across his face and it was one that I never thought I would see again. "As I read it I could feel your pain…your happiness…your fear…but most of all I could feel the amount of love that you had developed for me"

"I meant every word of it…you have to believe me" I vowed, clutching his hand even tighter.

"I believe you and I love you too" He spoke the words that I had been dying to hear for too long before leaning in and placing his lips atop my own. It wasn't a rushed kiss, just a kiss that promised more of whatever I was willing to give to him and now that I had him back in my life I was willing to give him whatever the hell he damn well pleased. "I'll be right back" He said after breaking our first kiss of re-acquaintance…a look of determination upon his face.

"Where are you going?" I cried out, trying to crawl after him but once again the handcuffs hindered my progress. "Jared…" I called out louder and in a near panic.

"Don't worry…I'll be back" He assured, blowing me a kiss before disappearing out the door. He was gone for what felt like forever, police officer in tow as he made it back over towards me later; sitting beside me on the bed once he reached me. I didn't say anything out of fear of making things worse because as I looked into the eyes of the officer I quickly realized by the black eye that he was one of the officers I had punched.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked Jared, pulling his hateful glare away from me for a moment as he looked over at Jared.

"I'm sure officer" He replied, smiling kindly at the man who stiffly walked over towards me, jerking my arm up before removing the cuffs.

"Just know this…if you fuck up just one more time I am hauling your ass to county jail so fast that your head will spin. You got that boy?" He asked sternly, arms crossed across his chest as hateful eyes bore into my own.

"Yeah…got it" I rushed out, rubbing my raw wrist in confusion. With a nod at Jared and a final glare at me he took his leave, leaving Jared and I alone once again. "I don't understand…" I said, staring at a grinning Jared even more confused then before.

"Boy you are really lucky my dear" He laughed, taking my free hand into his own as he rubbed it tenderly before placing a tender kiss upon it. "The officer that you punched, he's a friend of mine and to get him to drop the charges it will only cost me a flower delivery to his wife once a week for the next year"

"Holy shit…that's going to cost you a fortune" I blurted out, feeling like an ass once again for fucking up Jared's life with my presence.

"Oh don't worry…" He grinned at me, leaning forward until our faces were mere inches from each others. "The only one that is going to be paying is you and you can start right now" He teased, leaning forward even more as he brushed his lips against my lips. I was in heaven as he tried to increase the intensity of that kiss, only to jump back at the sound of someone screeching behind us.

"Jesus Christ…its true" I heard a women's voice cry out as she stood in the doorway of my hospital room with a look of blind shock and horror upon her face.

"Seems that my luck is about to run out" I whispered nervously to Jared as we turned to find the stunned form of my soon to be ex fiancée. "Hey Jordan…" I smiled nervously, clutching onto Jared's hand for support.

"Don't you fucking hey Jordan me you son of a bitch" She started yelling from the get go as she moved closer towards the bed.

"Maybe I should leave you two alone" Jared cut in, trying to climb off the bed but I wasn't allowing it.

"Jared…you don't have to do" I nearly begged, giving him a look that said basically ***Please don't leave me alone with her***

"I'll just be outside if you need me" He went on with a small smile as he shifted off of the bed, jerking my hand out of his before taking his leave.

"I just can't fucking believe it. When exactly were you going to tell me that you were a cock sucker?" She bit out nastily, crossing her arms over her chest in a dramatic huff. "How could you do this to me?" She cried out with even more dramatic flair as she fell into the chair beside the bed with an exasperate sigh. I wanted to stand up and give her a standing ovation, but thought better of it because I just wanted to get everything over with.

"Look…I know that I should have told you, but I wasn't even sure myself until I met Jared" I replied truthfully, leaving out the part about it starting off as a stupid bet between Eamon and I.

"I don't understand" She pouted, producing a few stray tears but the look on her face told me that she wasn't really buying her act herself. "You told that bitch Fran that you were going to be gone for six months and I gave you that space…despite that fact that it hurt me deeply" Another sigh omitted from her lips and that time I had to curb the urge to start laughing at her antics. Instead I tried another approach.

"Jordan look…" I began, taking a painful breath as I shifted forward. "You and I both know that this thing between us was never going to last. The only reason you started seeing me in the first place was because you were trying to get back at your parents and for me…well I used you as a distraction because I didn't want to admit what I already knew"

"Liar…there was more to us then that" She cried out, standing up and marching over towards the bed. "Bastard…" Her words got louder as she slapped her hand against my cheek, sending my head jerking backwards as I bit my lip to keep from blacking out at the pain.

"Get out before I have you thrown out" I heard Jared yell as I opened my eyes and found him practically shoving her out the door. "Stay the fuck away from him or trust me honey you will so regret it" I had to laugh at the way that he said it, hand on hip with his own dramatic performance to boot.

"Th…thanks" I stammered through my pain as I touched at the bandage already covering my raw cheek. "Fuck…" I cried out once I realized that it was soaking wet with blood.

"Don't worry baby. I'll call the nurse" He sprung into action, rushing towards me as he pressed the call button for the nurse's station. "No one tries and hurts my man without getting a piece of me" His rambling went on as he started fretting about the bed, tucking me in and fluffing the pillows at my back.

"Jared…" I said his name, but was cut short as a nurse and a doctor came into my room to change my bandages. I was given what they assured was a slight sedative but within minutes I was out like a light, with no clue as to what was going on around me.

I woke up god knows how many hours later to the sound of voices. Opening my eyes I found my sister and Tomo sitting in a semi circle around Jared laughing and talking amongst themselves. "Jared and Eamon have always been like this. From the first time I can remember they've been daring each other to do the stupidest shit. Hell…one time they dared each other who could jump of the roof first and land the quickest. Each one of those dummies ended up in the hospital. Colin with a broken leg and Eamon with a broken collarbone"

"I won that dare as I recall" I replied groggily as I turned my head and looked at the bunch.

"Yeah…and look where this one landed you again…you stupid git" My sister scolded me, causing me to smile as I watched Tomo assist her off of the chair in her very pregnant state. "You know you keep this shit up and you won't be allowed to spend time with you nephew" She warned, trying to be stern but the grin on her face gave everything away. I was amazed at how beautiful she looked, how happy and content she seemed as she beamed at her husband before kissing him quickly. "You really look like shit you know?" She rushed out once she reached me, taking my hand into her own as she dabbed at her tears with the other one.

"Love you too sis…" I smiled up at her as I gave her hand a knowing squeeze. "So…I see you've met Jared" I moved on, looking over at my love as he stood off to the side watching everything.

"Yes…he's very nice" She spoke politely as she turned and smiled warmly at Jared. "So it's true then…you're gay?" She asked once she had turned her focus back to me.

"I'm gay sis…" I assured, waiting for the boom to drop and when it didn't I continued. "I've known my whole life that something was wrong with the way that I was living my life. I just didn't want to admit it until I met Jared" I smiled over at my man, holding my hand out towards him as Tomo once again assisted my sister over towards the chair she had been sitting in. "I love him. I'm in love with him" I spoke truthfully, taking his hand as he sat down on the bed beside me.

"No shit Sherlock. I read your article" Lonnie blurted out as the four of us burst out laughing.

"Speaking of articles. This one was brilliant" Tomo burst out as he picked up a large mail bag I hadn't seen in the corner and brought it over to me. "The response to it was amazing. The newspapers been unable to keep up with all the letters and E-Mail correspondence since it was published. This is just a tiny bit of what we've been receiving" He moved the bag closer towards my bed as Jared and I stared at it in wonder. "The big wigs are shitting their pants at the amount of new subscribers we have received from this single article alone. In fact…" He went on and I could see his publishers mind working and I knew I was in trouble. They want to give you your own column"

"What…are they fucking insane. My own column for what?" I asked stupefied as to what he could be talking about.

"We haven't actually worked out the details yet…but whatever we decide I know it will be amazing" He replied, shutting up as my sister gave him a look that told him enough was enough for one day. He didn't say a word as he gave her a small nod before the two of them headed for the door. "I'll come by and check on you tomorrow at your place once they release you" I heard her call out over her shoulder. "Unless you're going to be elsewhere" She winked as she waited for the two of us to get over our blushing.

"He'll be at my place" Jared finally piped up as he gazed into my eyes. He jotted down the address on a piece of paper before walking it over to her. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face and the tears that watered in my eyes as she pulled him tightly against her pregnant frame, kissing him on the cheek before releasing him. "Later…" She smiled at me before disappearing down the hall way.

"So…I'll be at your place huh?" I teased, tugging him over towards me once again because I was in dire need to feel him close to me.

"How else am I going to take care of my man" He teased back playfully as he leaned in a kissed me tenderly.

"I like the sound of that" I replied contently as we lay forehead to forehead losing ourselves in each others eyes.

Epilogue…Two years later

Everything after I was released from the hospital is all kind of a blur now, but the major highlights are still as vivid as if they were yesterday. Jared kept his promise of taking care of his man. The plan was to get me well enough before I moved back into my apartment, but that time just never came. A week turned into a few weeks, then into a few months and before we knew it a year had passed. I have to admit that I wasn't crazy about going back to my empty apartment and so I didn't really put up much of a fight and it didn't seem that Jared was in any all fired rush to get rid of me either.

After I was fully healed Tomo stopped by to see me, more like stopped by to see my in order to hound the hell out of me. It seemed that I was the golden boy of the newspaper once again and the bosses wanted to cash in on me while they could. He somehow convinced me to write my own column and with a huge nudge from my lover and even my sister I gave it a try. It was a gigantic success from the get go and even two years later its still one of the most read syndicated columns in the country. It covers all issues, gay and straight and it has been my best work since the article that started it all.

Four months after my release from the hospital Jared and I became uncles to a healthy baby girl and we couldn't have been happier or prouder. Brittney Marie is the most beautiful baby in the world and thankfully the spitting image of her mother. She is the apple of her uncle's eyes and quite spoiled by the two of us as well. My sister and Tomo are now expecting their second child in a few months and each couldn't be happier about it, including Jared and myself.

I haven't seen much of Eamon since we put each other in the hospital. I've spoken to him a few times of the phone, but the conversation is always short and rushed and so I don't really try much anymore. He's still fucking everything that is young and beautiful and I don't think that the will ever change. I may miss my twin but mostly I feel sorry for him. He's never known what it's like to fall in love with someone who is your entire world, like Jared is to me. He'll never know what it feels like to have someone love you so much that they are just about willing to forgive you for any of the little fuck ups that you seem to be famous for. He'll never know the joy of coming home to the man that you love and knowing that you will never be alone again. I still hold some hope for Eamon, but sadly it isn't much.

Our life is amazing and I am happier then I have ever been in my life. With Jared by my side I know that I can get though anything that life throws in my way, the good or bad. However, as amazing as our life is, I keep thinking that there is something that could make it better and with the help of my niece I know just what that better is.

"Now do you know what you have to do?" I ask my niece as she fidgets before me, her hands itching to hold the velvet box I hold within my own fidgeting hands.

"Yes…" She blurts out, reaching for the box once again as I pull it away from her. "Unca Colin…I know" She cries out in frustration, blowing out a breath of air that sends the black curls on her head upright.

"Ok bunny…" I chuckle, calling her by the nick name I had pegged her with from the first moment she came home from the hospital. "Come on then…lets go surprise Uncle Jared" I watch as she toddles her way up the stairs towards the bedroom that Jared and I have shared for the last two years, thanking my sister in my head for allowing her daughter to spend as much time with us as she does. Once a week they allow her to spend the night with us and it is a time that Jared and I cherish in ways that no one can understand. "You ready?" I whisper as we stand outside of the half closed bedroom door as I take a quick peek and find my lover still dozing after an exhausting night of chasing after a two year old and then a randy bit of sex play afterwards.

"Ready…" She cries out in over exuberance as she rushes into the room and pounces on Jared's unsuspecting body. "Unca Jared…Unca Jared…wake up" She screams in her happy child like voice as she jumps all over the poor man.

"Ok…ok…" He laughs, grabbing onto her to steady her jumping. "I'm up. Where's Uncle Colin?" I hear him ask as I stand off to the side of the door where he can't see me, smiling like a complete love blessed idiot.

"Here…" She ignores his question as she throws the felt box at him, narrowly missing his head before pushing herself off of the bed. "Bye…" She calls out over her shoulder, apparently losing interest in the box as she runs back towards me. "I did it Unca Colin" She exclaims, holding out her arms for me to pick her up.

"That you did bunny…" I laugh as I scoop her into my arms and kiss her chubby cheek. Holding her to my hip I peek inside the room once again and find Jared sitting Indian style on the bed, still holding the box within his hands. I can see the fear and hope in his eyes as he cradles it tenderly as if it is the most delicate piece of china.

"Are you just going to stare at it or are you going to open it?" I chuckle as I walk into the room, my niece singing off key in my ear about sunny days and flying away.

"I'm not ready for this" Jared speaks more to himself and I wonder if he's even heard a word I've said since I've entered the room. I panic for a moment, thinking that maybe I made a huge mistake while he continues to sit there staring at the box, but then my fears of relieved as he looks up at me and smiles. "Jesus Colin…I'm a mess. You couldn't wait to pop the question until I was at least out of my pajama's" He tries to be stern but I can hear and see the love and good humor in his eyes.

"You look amazing" I reply, standing before him with my own smile upon my face because I love the games that we play. "And you will look even more amazing out of those pajama bottoms once I get you alone later tonight" I wink, covering Brittney's ears, laughing as she pushes my hands away and gives me a mean pout before rubbing her tired eyes. "Let me put her down for her nap and then we can continue this" I promise, laughing once again at the sleepy protests I am receiving as we make our way towards her room. "Sleep tight bunny" I whisper as I lay her down, already asleep before kissing her upon her forehead. I turn to check on her once again before taking my leave and making my way back to the man that I left hanging mid proposal. "Jared…" I speak aloud as I enter the room and find it empty. "Jared…" I say again turning around to find him standing in front of our dressing mirror, his hand lying across his heart as he gazes at the silver ring upon his finger. "You didn't even let me propose the right way" I tease as I walk up behind him, wrapping my arms around his half naked waist as I stare into his glistening eyes.

"It's just so perfect" He smiles at me through the mirror. "Everything's so perfect" He's now singing as he turns around in my arms, flinging his own arms around my neck. "You're perfect" He beams before leaning up to capture my lips.

"Far from perfect…but you love me anyways" I chuckle, winded once he breaks our kiss.

"I do. I love you and yes I'll marry you" He exclaims excitedly as he begins to jump up and down. I can't help but laugh at how this is not going the way that I expected it to go, but then again it's so us, and nothing could be more perfect.

"I love you too" I get serious for a moment as I tug him tighter against my body, leaning down to kiss him once again. I fall into the kiss immediately, knowing that he feels the same as the tent in his pajama bottoms begins to poke my leg.

"Care to show me just how much you love me?" He teases, slinking his hand down my ass before giving it a playful slap.

"I thought giving you a ring pretty much summed up the love that I hold for you" I sigh, putting on a dramatic air that has him grinning from ear to ear. "But if I have to prove to you even more how much I love you, then I guess that I must" I sigh even louder as I step back from him for just a split second before scooping him up and tossing him over my shoulder. He squeals like a girl as I grab onto the waistband of his pajama bottoms and yank them with no effort off of his lower body. "Jesus you've got a nice ass" I tease…but there is some truth to my words as I begin to rub it tenderly in order to start some friction. His squeals echo even louder as I drop him on the bed, shedding my own pajama's before propelling myself on top of his nude and beautiful body. "Shhh…you wake her…you don't get any nookie" I whisper against his parted lips as I push my knee into the hardness that was taunting me earlier.

"Colin…I can't wait" He cries out loudly, only to bring his volume to a near whisper as he wraps his legs around my hips and begins to hump me like a dog in heat. I know that I should be laughing at his antics, because lords knows that when the man gets riled up he stops at nothing to get off. However, I don't care because I am just as fucking horny as he is. "Fuck me Colin…please. I need your dick now" I love it when he begs, and I want to hear some more but I know that our time here is short as I kiss him hotly before literally untangling myself some his grip. I return seconds later with my hand filled with lube and a full boner that is leaking and oozing for the man writhing before me. With scheduled ease he spreads his legs wide, pulling his knees into his heaving chest as he lifts himself upwards for my intrusion. I have no intentions of making his wait long as I slick up my staff, situating it at his hole before sliding in as fast as I can without hurting him. "Fuck…" He cries out, as I slap his hands away from his knees as they fall open because I already know how this is going to go.

"I love it when you talk dirty, but not today my dear" I grin at him with a lustful leer as I conquer his lips under my own, insuring that the loudness of his words only enter my mouth and not the precious ears of our bunny. My thrusts are forceful and heavy as he covers the top of his head with his hands while I slam him into the headboard with pistoning madness. I am dying to make this last as long as possible, but I know that I must make it fast as I increase the friction between us, screaming my own obscenities down his throat as I give into my orgasm and fill his tender ass. Immediately I feel a gooey wetness between our wet bodies as Jared grins up at me sheepishly, knowing that he has come once again without me even really touching him. I love that I have that effect on him as I withdraw myself, leaning back on my knees as I lap up the good stuff that is Jared. He loves it when I do that, Loves it when I enjoy the simple taste that is only him, because he knows that I truly do love it. "I love you…" I whisper up towards him across the expanse of his washboard stomach, laying my head on the sticky remains of his manly juice.

"I know…" He beams down at me, allowing his head to loll back from the sheer exhaustion of it all.

"Cocky bastard…" I tease, sliding up his body once again with such ease thanks to his come and our mingled sweat.

"And you love me for it" He throws my famous one liner back at me as I lay my jaw upon his chest.

"I do…" I answer honestly. "I really do…"

The End…


End file.
